you were more like a warm spring...

...that weathered the winter of me.

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bubbles
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cassandra
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February 28th, 2008

my soapbox of the day

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This article summarizes nearly exactly what I feel and want people to know about MSU. Sometimes, I feel very stereotyped, just because I go to what is considered a 'party school.' Truth be told, I saw just as much bad drinking behavior while at the U of M--Twin Cities, which is considered a prestigious public school.
I only bring this up, because an editorial was printed in the Star Tribune today about the Amanda Jax situation. It upset me, because the author was slightly misinformed. While stating some valid theories, the man also blamed MSU for Amanda Jax and Rissa Amen-Reif's deaths, stating, "Where were the outcries at the university for not protecting its students better? There were none, because it is easier to blame the establishments that provide the alcohol, not the individual or university."
Both incidents occurred with adults who were of legal drinking ages and AWAY from campus. They both lived away from campus and were not on campus when these incidents happened. Honestly, this more than likely would have happened had both girls attended different universities. Universities can not hold responsibility for all of their students who are not on campus. It's ridiculous. No university does that.
I would so love to inform this man that MSU has already been pushed into a corner. They are caught between outcry from the media/public and respect for students. In order to comfort the public and make them feel as though action is being taken, they have put even MORE effort into condemning the use of alochol and enforcing new punishments. There's even talk of phoning parents at home when students get in trouble for drinking. That's not the way to go. We ARE adults.
The only reason I say they are forced into a corner is because, by enforcing all of these new rules and putting so much new emphasis on it, they are reinforcing the notion that Minnesota State University--Mankato students are alcoholics. I feel it every time I walk down a hallway and see fifteen different posters on not drinking. (I do give them credit for some of the newer posters, though, because they put emphasis on safe drinking tips rather than abstinence. Students are more likely to implement safety into drinking rather than quitting all together.) I think MSU should make more of an effort to defend its students and say to the public, "Yes, we've had unfortunate incidents. However, look at all of our students who don't drink. They're here too!"
As a student who achieved a 4.0 during her first semester at MSU, works a decent amount of hours a week, volunteers to make the community better, and does it all while basically staying away from alcohol, I'd like it to be known that I'm here, too. I have a lot of friends here who are just like me. We don't want to be thrown into this stereotype, and we especially don't want our university promoting that idea.
And what about the students who know how to drink responsibly. Just because they go to MSU and drink occasionally in a reponsible manner, they are being thrown in with the worst of the worst. It's not fair.
*steps off soapbox*

And that's all I have to say about that.

January 16th, 2008

sixteen days

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I've decided I want Mexico to be a turning point in my life. It may sound fake to declare or force it like that, but I feel like everything is leading up to this right now. I want to leave the old me when I step on the plane. I want to say goodbye to her. I want to leave all those bad feelings. I want to become someone I actually love again while I'm there. Re-discover myself, so to speak.
There is so much anger and hurt built up in me right now. The people I used to be best of friends with have gone on to find other friends. As they should. It's just hurtful to see them corresponding with their new friends every few days when they haven't talked to me in over a month. Not saying I have been particularly forceful in communicating, but that's because I'm discouraged when I actually do talk or visit with them. For example, they have limited time to spend with me, because they have to go visit their new friends (who they see every day.)

That's why I'm moving on. I don't want to give anymore to a lost cause. I don't want to care anymore about useless things. I want to let go of everything I'm feeling. It's damaging the relationships I have with people NOW. I become so depressed or angry that I don't want to do anything, and I lash out. Especially at Jordan. He doesn't deserve it, but I just don't know how to be happy sometimes.
That's why I want Mexico to be that turning point.
Not saying I don't still want my friends from high school. Some of them are truly great people, and some of them are still very there for me. (Love you, sexy mama! We WILL hang out soon, right?)

It takes some people a long time to realize there's life beyond high school. I'm already nearly two years beyond it, and I know it's true, but I still am having trouble accepting it. However, it's time to move on.

Mexico, here I come.

January 10th, 2008

stuck in static

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I'd like to tell you I did many fascinating, thrilling, mind-blowing things during my break from school. However, I realize I have just four days left until I go back. And I've done nothing. Work. Spend a little time with family. A girl's night here and there. And that's about it.

I'm just stuck in that state of merely existing still.

On the brighter side, I leave for Ixtapa in...a little over 22 days. I'm so thrilled to get out of this stupid town, out of this stupid state, out of this stupid life, even if just for a week and a few days. I hope it relieves some tension and boredom.

I received my second Hepetitis B shot on Tuesday morning. You should be very proud of me. I didn't throw up or pass out. Score.

I feel really caught between adulthood and still being a child right now. The other day, Jordan and I drove past Mankato East High School around 1:00 P.M. My instant instinct was that I felt guilty for being out of school, like I was skipping or something. How strange is that? After two years, it hasn't worn off yet. I'm past that time in my life...? Where did it go?

Beginning to buy things for the one-bedroom next year. It's kind of...refreshing. No, I don't think that's the right word. Just...something to look forward to after Mexico is over.

I hate my job. Most of the time. Enough said about that.

I bought a dress I had been eyeing at Maurice's in Austin yesterday. Last week, I looked at it in Mankato, but I didn't buy it, because it was still nearly $30. I loved it, but instinct told me to not get it quite yet. Well, luckily it went down to $10 by yesterday. Huzzah.
I also went to Kohl's the other day hoping they might, just maybe find a pair of shorts for Mexico. Well...I ended up getting two pairs of denim shorts, a denim skirt, and a pair of khaki shorts for...*drum roll*...$2.60 A PIECE! Yeah, so that's $10 for four pairs of clothing. Be jealous.

My writing was just interruppted by a boyfriend who felt like giving me a kiss. So I think I'll end this now so I can go cuddle. I'm just cool like that.

Love,
Cassie

December 29th, 2007

34 days

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I can't wait to get out of this state.

And go here.

December 12th, 2007

of book returns and little sisters

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I currently own 161 episodes of Will & Grace on DVD. Sick. But I don't really care. It's my guiltiest of guilty pleasures.
I accidentally spoiled one of my Christmas presents from Jordan, so he gave it to me early. Will & Grace: Season 7. I've been enjoying it more than I've been enjoying studying.

I met my little sister today. (Okay, I shouldn't call her my little sister for two reasons. First, the program is through the YMCA, and it's copyright infringement to call it the Big Brother/Big Sister program. It's just the Brother/Sister program. Second...she is taller than me. At age 12.) I'm really excited to get to know her, and I think she feels the same. We're going to the mall tomorrow night to hang out.

Today was my book return day. It's nice to have no books left, except for ones I've chosen to keep. (Learning American Sign Language and The Mother of All Parenting Books) I got $156 for them. Holy shit. That's like...more than I got combined last year. Lovin' it. Definitely going toward Christmas presents. And it went toward Harry Potter tonight. I thought I deserved a reward for having a good semester.

It's a shame when you have to go through three stores looking for Marie Osmond's Christmas C.D. just because it was the only thing on your step-mother's Christmas list. And then...you end up ordering it online anyway, because they're the only people who would carry the damn thing. Amazon doesn't even have it, and it's brand new...if that tells you anything.

My finals are going really well. I'm optimistic about A's in all of my classes. Speech final on Friday. Just have to basically memorize EVERYTHING. Bah.

Love,
Cassie

November 24th, 2007

"coon bashing?" fuck you.

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I'm haunted by this. So I'm going to vent.
Today I learned how sick people can be. )

November 20th, 2007

Schedule Fun

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I think school is more stressful when you have good grades, because you know that if you fuck up, you are going to be thoroughly disappointed.
I'm at nearly all A's currently (as far as I am aware.) I freak out with every test I take or paper I hand in, because I'm scared this will be the one thing that brings down my grade. Oy.

In better news, I registered today, and I have a pretty bad-ass schedule, despite the fact that all of my classes are in one session with long hours. I'm hoping I don't mind that so much.

Monday
EEC 225: Technology Applications in Education
12:00-1:50 P.M.

CDIS 206: Intermediate Signing
6:00-8:50 P.M.

Tuesday
EEC 222W: Human Relations in a Multicultural Society
9:00-11:50 A.M.

Wednesday
EEC 245: Early Childhood Health, Safety, and Nutrition
12:00-2:50 P.M.

Thursday
EEC 227: Learning Development in the Early Years
1:00-3:50 P.M.

Online
FCS 240: Nutrition 1

--End--

Okay, so you'll notice:
a) I don't have class until noon or later, except for Tuesday.
b) I have one class a day, except for Monday (2 classes).
c) I don't have class Friday.

So I'd say the positives outweigh the negatives by far, eh?

Other than that...
School=stress. So much to do. SO much to do.
Don't know about my major, but I guess I'll continue with it for now.

Looking in to summer programs at Gallaudet. They come in two-week sessions. Might spend a couple of weeks or a full month out there. I would probably start taking courses to become fluent in ASL. They offer ASL I-VI. I'm guessing I'd get placed in...II. Oh well, I'm sure it would be intense enough to get me going, eh?
Just have to talk to my auntie now.

Work=bleh. Looking for a new job.

Excited for Thanksgiving.
Not excited for 'black Friday.'

Blahblahblah.
The end.

Love always,
Cassie

November 11th, 2007

(no subject)

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surveys... )

November 6th, 2007

better: the sequel

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Things have been looking a lot brighter these last few days.

-Jordan and I reserved a 1-bedroom apartment in Highland for next year. This makes me very happy, and I'm looking forward to it for many reasons. Mostly happy, because my father doesn't mind.

-I went to Herbegers and got two shirts for $5 a piece along with a $3 headband. Yay. Also, on Saturday, Jordan used his many fabulous discounts and bought me the coat I wanted. Originally $100. Jordan price: $25. Like my dad says, "It's not what you know; it's who you know."

-Today was Jordan and my 1.5 year anniversary. Yeah, we're nerds. However, it was lovely. He surprised me by driving us to the cities, taking me to The Rainforest Cafe, and bringing me to see my two best gopher-friends at the U. I miss them so incredibly much, so he knew what that would mean to me. We also got to visit my Dad, Step-mom, and brother at home in O-town. A great night, overall.

-Did I mention...I GET TO SEE HANSON IN 32 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!! Best thing ever. Only a Hanson fan can understand how amazing this truly is. I also get to see them with some of the best girls in the entire world.

-I also cleaned/organized my room. This makes me feel a lot better.

Yeah, life is better x 2.

Love,
Cassie

November 3rd, 2007

better.

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Today is the first day I haven't felt hopeless since Monday. That may not seem long, but I literally felt depressed about everything that was yet to come, so this is progress.
I'm washing clothes. I'm changing my sheets. I'm actually eating real food. I feel like I'm just having a lazy day rather than a panicky, sick day. It's so much relief.

My baby is sleeping next to me, and people who don't love cats probably don't understand how comforting that can be. It's just amazing to me how one little ball of fur can be such a blessing and such a stress-reliever. He's my best little buddy. I know him, and he knows me. I love that he considers me "mommy," and he'll come sit on my lap, even when there are five other people in the room. I love that he follows me everywhere, including the bathroom (even though that gets a little odd). Even though it drives me nuts, I love hearing him cry outside my door until I let him in. I love when he jumps into my bed at 6:00 A.M. and drops his "mousey" on my chest, because he wants to play fetch.

Geez. That was the lamest paragraph I've ever written. And I guess I don't give a damn. :)
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